Tuesday, December 21, 2010

first impression

ok,quit talking about serious staff,its not like i'm going to be be the next PM. Lets talk about real situation,that you always encounter in your life. i'm satisfied with myself, even though i'm not perfect. i'm not close enough to become 'pujaan malaya', i'm more towards invisible person. i'll admit i'm a shy person, which really100x have problem to build a new relationship. as an example, if i'm going a new place, it takes me an age to show my comfortable side to the other party. why am i like that? i also dont know~

so i'm always listening to complaints from my friend that i've use to become passive when they 1st know me. after that, ONLY i show my true self. ok fine, i'm also had listen to words like

"she's looks like an innocent girl at first, but never thought that she's more crazy than i am"

" i never thought she's the same league wth us"


and they've also complaining that i have a blur face everytime~even i've got people to ask me personally if i have any problem with them. those are my natural face!!! please, please and please understand my natural behavior,hahaha =p


so after all, do i care? definitely no.....even my sister always complaining about my frown face, but i need it to think deeply.haha, people will always talk, but if you always act with what people said, congratulations!! you are natural born actor! or you are celebrity,wow!! we cannot satisfied all people, just be yourself. listen to good complaints is good to make your life's better, but otherwise, just dont think too much....

i've also heard that i'm a cool person when i'm having a problem. no, i'm not a cool person. lots of times i'm crying when i'm facing difficulties. but we need to get up after that. mourning too long is not good for your health.when you have a problem, take time to mourn, find the route of the problem and get up on your feets. use your own power to take over the world. sometimes we need friend to share everything but dont make people feel burden with us!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

time to look back~

"Sometimes the best way to convince someone that he is wrong is to let him have his way." –Red O’Donnell

today i'm learning something.even though its a small matter but its important to turn my life upside down.so the lesson of the day is.........


ok sincerely, i do prepare for my interview today...but not as much as i should do.because normally when i'm going to the interviu, i need to go through HR people 1st,and they will ask basic questions. booooooooo~ u're wrong. becos today i'm having an interviu with my head department, and everything is technical!! i forgot to look back to my books,studies~sigh.it makes me laugh on the way back.

why i'm laughing? supposely i'm sad rite?because its my own fault to be blame wth if i dont get the job. but people needs to learn from lesson.... keep reminds myself that its not easy to get something.need to work hard. have another job interview next week.will to start my bookworm project a.s.a.p. 4 those who'll wait patiently to cilok my 1st salary, please be more patient...i'm working hard=)

sitting freely at home those past months makes me forget about everything!!!what dgree i'm taking?farming?=)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

its been long time since i'm updating my blog~and its due to too much stress,the brain seems not working.sigh~just yesterday i'm having another inteviu, and i cannot say much whether i'll have a chance or not.basically, i'll try my best rite?is it luck that employ graduate people?not really rite?

but the bes thing i share with the interviewer was, he's saying about the problem Msia have rite now. govermen tends to create thousands of graduate in challenging subjects like biotech, biomedic,engineering,science etc but pooof~at the end of the graduation, they told u that our country doesnt have specialization on that industry and bla,bla,bla~u need to have xperience in order to enter it.so, the real situation is,if no one want to give us the specific xperience, who will?does me would end up in different industry?dont knowla

mybe its jus a problem for me,or for hundreds of graduate who still unemployed. there's really no connection between university alignment with what had been needed by the industry. something should be done, in order to ensure that wawasan 2020 will be fulfilled, and at the same time utilizing what Malaysian's have. even in the newspaper las week they said about too much doctor in training, what the? b4 this people are debating about shortage of dctor and now?too much? its either less or more rite?never accurate in both of them.....

but i strongly believe in faith..need to be strong. will be using this leisure time in order to fill up the knowledge that can be grab. the interviewer suggest me to cntinue with my master, but in oversea. becos he says that the market is more demanding there. its a good suggestion, if meets with good scholarships. will be working hard, dont want to lose hope.fghting!!!for the better future

p/s: to en omar and pn amidah, hopefully i'm not burden you,since it has been a long time that I had been unemployed=(

Thursday, October 7, 2010

new beginning....

hurm,finally its my cnvo...eventhough i felt nothing on that day. jus a celebration,as a mark that we have complete our course. but fortunately my friends came,and brought along some flowers,so its kind of worth to come (ok,so i do think of several reasons to skip from that day=).unfortunately, i really have problem to find my classmates and frens after the ceremony so very little pic that i had taken with them.only with my parents and schoolmates.nevertheless, its very tiring!!

so as long as i know,i have complete my dgree, i have no longer bonded with shell and my convo had just over so what's next?work!work!work!!! still no lucks with that. ayah said to be patient,becos we never know about rezqi.everything is in God's hand. we try our hardest, and pray a lot for Him to guide us to the right path. mama said to just enjoy my long vacation,becos when i'll start working there will be no more free time. ayah told me to apply as a teacher~and my frens said to find work a.s.a.p~becos i'm always broken.my car always sick and....ah,the life of an unemployed~its tiring,but i bet its more fun than working rite?

ah~sighing....life is beautiful isnt it.so i'll just go on with it.its not i don wan to have a part time job be4 getting the real job but....mybe its the time for me to accompany my parents as long as i can.who knows which parts in Malaysia would i be working on?its more tiring when u know that your brother and sister working on multinational cmpany with big salary,fuh~pressure,pressure and pressure!!so jus go with the flow.even though smetimes i feel tired with the flow,but finding a job is part of my job rite now....its a full time job!!!to find a suitable job that i will love insyaAllah.pray for me a lot,insyaAllah...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

my dad,en omar~

wanna tell dis story long time ago,but never have the time to write it.its all about him,our family's hero.... even though i'm not that close enough to him,but i'll treasure him as someone who had made me the way i am rite now.yup,en omar ab razak aka my dad~really hard to find his picture alone,because he's never like taking pictures~even on hari raya!!

ayah used to be someone we'd really scared of.he has the character that made us listen to every words he said.becos he's busy working to provide our needs,we have little time to sit and chat together.everything will be direct to mama,even when we dont have money!!!so basically mama would be our representator to seek funds from ayah=p

so,when ayah had retired,he spends most of the time at home.but,during his retirement,everyone had gone to university and hostels.the only person who got to know ayah better is only mama,and his grandchldren.ayah starts to talk more,gardening,becomes more soft-heartening towards chldren( ok, i'm comparing between us long time ago and today,when he's playing with his grandchild). but he's not strong like before~he's becoming more reliable to us....

when he's 40,doctor told him he's got heart disease and high blood pressure. he's performing hajj that year cos afraid he's not gonna make it later. alhamdulillah,he's still strong until now.but afte bypass operation last year i think,he's becoming a little bit slow in action.he once said:
"nabi muhammad ada kata,limit umur umat dia cma 60 tahun.klu pjg umur,lbh dr tu,maka tuhan akan tarik nkmat satu-persatu.mmg terasa sgtla bla umur da mningkatni...."

even if he wants to take off his shirt,it will take longer than usual.he cant drive for long journeys,becos his legs will become numb. there's 1 day at kmpung where we all go to kebun, and then suddenly my father, riding motorcycle fell off from his bike becos of the stone at the road blocking him.i do think that if he has kudrat,he can stop himself from falling but mybe becos of his age,he falls off very slowly.thank God were behind him.the place is really far away from our home!!

but nevertheless,i love him more and more everyday.eventhough i've never show it to him,i'll do pray for him each time,hope for him to have a blessful life today and hereafter. hoping that he will be there during my wedding...hoping that he will be there when i have my first baby....hoping that Allah will give happiness to us in this world and Hereafter. "kematian adalah sesuatu yg pasti,maka hendaklah kita sentiasa bersedia insyaAllah".

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

thanx for the memories

need to calm down,eventhough don know where should i start.jus coming back from that place,and sudddenly everythings come at one time.raya preparation,knvo,and most importantly~job hunting!!hurm,back to lazy mode,and preparing mentally to be lecture by my sblings

'pgla cri keja'
'da try mntak kt sykat x?'
'resume tu da btulkn blm?'
'ari2 ada call sykt x tak mntak update'

but the most hatred thing to say

'menyemak je kt umahni,pgla cri keja=p'

who doesnt want to have a job?especially 4 fresh grad like me~but i dont want to change job regularly,jus becos i'll take this thing lightly.need to work harder,in order to make the big boss employ me.fgting!!!!
so,what have i done in this past 2 and half month?i cant say that i learn nothing at all,but most probably,erk....0.5% mybe.only frenship that i treasure.met lots of people and have a great time with them.were all in the same boat,and have the same unhappiness. and i have been given great responsibility to deal with.being a leader is not always an 'easy' task.its not like i don have courage to take the challenge,but the thing is it came too suddenly,without notice. even i myself cannot accept the prgram,how on earth may i lead and help the facilitator to ensure the smoothness of the program.and the way they guide us,erk....no thanx~rather learning by myself than asking them. we ourselves who had dgree or diploma never even mntion about our crtificates or feeling big enough to empower them but deep inside themselves they think that we are trying to show off with what we had.hurm,mybe only some of them,but it makes me sick!!

basically, want to show my deepest thanx to my best frens there~SYUD,ANEM and adik manis FAZ.they've been going through lots with me.they saw me laughing,crying etc~wthout them i don know what will happen...

syud~she's strong,mybe due to the age and experience she once had. most probably our thnking were same,and i have lots of fun doing crazy things with her.she has the confidence that rarely people our age have.luv everything about her...praying for brighter future for us.

anem~she's a good companion~always listening to my complain,complain and complain,but never complain about me.a good leader,eventhough at first she's unsure with her talent. love her jokes very much,blh wat org guling2~needs to says sory to her if i had done anything bad to her becos u know,always besides her this past 2 and half month.

faz~she's good,and she's totally pure....~very energetic smtimes but when the night comes, she's usually exhausted.a little bit moody,jus like a small child.but its totally understandable becos she's the younger.learn a lot from her,and she's really adorable from every perspective.luv to make people smile but sadfully she's a regular in medic=)take care of your health ye cik adik~

in the end,i jus wanna let them know that eventhough it seems like i less care about them becos of the way i respond to them~i'm truly appreciate them as my frens.they help me a lot and i dont know how to thanx them enough.to all of my buddies that i have get to know there,thanx for all the memories and i do hope we keep in touch in the future.....

Thursday, August 12, 2010

trying to understand myself

lots of things occurs lately and definitely its not really good,more to bad things. trying so hard to keep my mind positive,go straight towards the destination without pit stop.wallah~its too hard i think.becos evrything is so blur....unreadable

i'm 24,and that's the fact.trying my best to fulfill my dream but the reality is too much.yeah, no success come without problems~
people always said that i'm strong,and i believe their words. their encouragement mean lots to me.they are what we called frens.they give me spirits, and they always believe that i can grab the dreams that i hope 4. they give me strength to gather up every energy that i have and continue this never ending journey....

but when i'm left alone i feel unsecured. everythng's messy...feel like i'm drowning in my own breath.trying and trying but the results are still the same. its not like i cannot accept the fact, but i'm scared when i need to face it alone.evryone have their own life and me?need to understand myself better.need to love myself lots more....i know everything had been arranged by Him, so i need to accept the actual facts.keep fghting!!!!i don care what other people said but all i need to do is work harder in order to fulfill my dream....yeeha!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

thanx for everything

i declare today as a sad day
becos i'm crying a lot until my eyes become puffy
saya harap saya ada kekuatan
utk mnahan air mata daripada mnitis
but even izzah saw me cry~
apela,dpn bdk kecikpn tak reti nk cover
apenye mkckla sayani

tp saya dpt kekuatan
bla mjid hulurkn bntuan
bla ping hulurkan kekuatan
bla mar hulurkan kasih sayang
saya hnya insan biase
nmpak je tabah d luar tp sbenanye hati saya rapuh sperti kaca

saya tau,Allah sntiasa bsma saya
tp tak slhkn skali skala mngeluarkn air mata
utk mmbuang prasaan yg hnye saya sdiri yg rsa
hnye saya sdiri yg tau
yg tak blh nk diucap dgn kata2
sbb saya...saya mnusia biasa
dan sya prlukn kekuatan yg prlu sya bina sdiri

to dear mjid,trima kasih sbb tmankn saya
klu tak saya rsa arini saya abehkn msa dgn mngeluarkn air mata je
u'lll know that i'm not that strong,but i need to
becos i'm jus 24,and there's lots of things that i need to learn more
your companied means lots to me
ayat2 mjid dlm blog wat sya teharu yg amat sgt
da bape thn jid kta kwn.tp ikatan dia jid,hanya Allah yg tau
suhaili~da lma tak pnggil your real's name
will be missing u a lot
hoping for your doa always....
need to be stronger,utk mngelakkn pn amidah rsau
love u much mjid,and you know that's rite~
dgr lagu ijau daun,cri jodh,mst tringat kt ko,yeeha!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

sharing is caring

few daysni,byk sgt daydreaming kt umah.sma keja tak jln....eventhough da dpt notice for inteviu this coming 28,tp msh tak begerak2 gak main simsni.uish2,fghting2~need to prepare more.this coming 28 will be the most exciting war that i've been waited for.it will definitely affect my future.whether i'm being accepted or not, i need to work on it first.then, lets pray to the Almighty One.He's the one who knows best about everything.there's so much 'unsettled' things in my mind but i know,i should be back to Him.i have none other than Him. Only Him Yang Maha Mendengar lg Maha Mengetahui whats the best for me....

other than playing games,i also trying my best to finish up 1 book that i found really interesting.ok, i'm not die hard fan of motivational books but i thought after few chapters this book tends to hook me up. the book labeled as "the power of positive thinking"....by norman vincent peale. what i've been 100% sure is thar Dr Peale is having fully faith in his religion, which is Christian. what i want to highlight is not about the way he try to persuade us into his believe, but the way he believe that there's someone up there who is listening to each words of our pray. and lots of words that he's taken is from Bible, which according to him if we utter it several times in our life, it will be bring peacefulness in our life. the question is, do we tend to put down the book when we believe that what he said is not in the same line as in Islam or do we continue and connect it with what we had been learning so far?

thats come the beauty of our aqal. to think what's right and what's wrong.i'm not done yet with my reading but so far the concept that he needs us to understand is what makes us fail from time 2 time is because of our mind thinking.we are too scared to try new things or we are dealing with the biggest picture (which in this case is the current problem) without giving a chance towards other happiness (in this case our family,frens etc).so by the end of the day,we tend to give up and in some cases,they are people who ended up by killing themselves. i believe the answer to energetic life each day comes from the energy that we consume, and the energy that we conserve.after we try our hardest in everything, pray to our Almighty God, which is Allah, who had created us and Isa a.s.He is the one who always listen to our pray. not only during five times prayer, but every single time.believe that Allah always with us.pray with sincerity and with the humbleness of a person who'd position as an abdillah~
thats come the beauty of qiamullail.its not only good for our health,but at that time~when most of the people still in their bed, we are sacrificing our sleep. telling all the stories to Him. hoping with sincerity in order to ask for forgiveness. kneel down,prostrate yourself in sujud,ask if there were no tomorrow. eventhough tomorrow's problem need to be faced, its a relief in heart if we had told all the problem the night before.yes, sometimes we are trying hard to find the person called friends,which we can trust all of our secrets, and be there all the time in our life.but thats difficult right?people tends to come and go,but He,the Almighty one,Allah which had created us, always listening to everything and only Him, is the only God.

the moral of the story is, whatever u want to do,always come back to Allah. He is the key for every success.there will be some tests right in front of you,but believe that Allah is there, and always be there. Why did not we take Quran versus which can smooth our heart and mind....Alquran is the greatest revealation in this world,and insyaAllah it will guide us to the right path~

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

hati yg gelisah

arini rsa serba tak kena,tak tau nk watpe.ptg td tman angah pg alamnda,bought few things~cek2 poket duit suda kering.ish2~dlm keta mngharungi jam,ttba angah bka cerita,about my grandmom,tp kt umahni tak pnggl nenek,kitorg pnggl mak.usually in 2-3months,our grandmom will come and visits us,sleep for 2-3weeks.tp akhr2ni mak tak dtg.ingtkn mak tak larat jln jauh perak-kajang~rpa2nye ade cite dsbaliknye.she's upset with ayah,uhuk2....ari2 ayah ada tnggi suara dgn mak,so dia trasa...mmbawa hatinye yg lara plng ke perak.tidak dtg2 ke sni lg..

org kata,org tuani hatinye cpt trasa.mkn tua mkn cpt trasa.mmgla ayah 2 mnantunye,tp klu da trasa mmgla mmbawa hati yg lara.ayah saya mmg not perfect but nevertheless his my dad.ayah sya mmg grang,but nevertheless he still my dad.ayah saya mmg kuat nagging,tp dia ttp ayah saya.ayah saya tak perfect,but he still and always be my dad. bgla the best dad in the world, sya tetap pilih ayah sya....kekadang saya rsa tak puas ati dgn ayah sya,tp sya stiasa doakn kesejahteraan ayah sya.lg mrah sya dgn ayah saya,lg byk doa sya curahkn utk dia.moga2 dia stiasa dlmpahi rhmat dnia akhirat.moga tuhan jauhkn dia dr brasa rsau ttg ank2 dia.sbb only us,family knows him better.wlupn dia ska tnggi suara kt kmi, we love him from the bottom of my heart.sya tak nk mnyesal di kmudian hari.let him or me go first,we dont know.sya mau ayah sya always be there,smasa graduation sya,mnjd wali pernikahan saya dan bemain2 dgn ank2 saya. dan jika ajalnye tlh tba,maka yaAllah,pmudahknla pjlnn beliau dari liang lahad ke hari perhitungan.in the end,saya sgt syng ayah saya,eventhough i'll never said straight to him....

Thursday, May 27, 2010

saya bhsan

saya bhsan,bhsan dan bhsan.byk sbenanye keja nk wat,tp i've always delay it.delay,delay,delay~mmg pnyakit jiwa btul..rsa mcm cuak tak keja lg tp mls nk mntak,muahahaha~essei tak siap lg,nk mngarang ayat lg.inteview mybe in the near fture,org 2 da bg email da,tp mlepak jua d dpn kmputer ini.mncari ktenangankah,muahaha...kesimpulannye,saya sgt lazy,sya tak mau wat pape~

tp smpai blakn?i know i should be moving.there's no one to push me except myself. jd ttba rsa bsmngat lak,skjp jela tp~ttba rsa ngntuk lak.bak to lazy mode,yeeha~

Saturday, May 22, 2010

what do we belief?

Doubt can stop you in your tracks
it can drain away your desire
Believing, on the other hand,
can set your world afire.

When you hold the opinion that
You can reach that special dream,
You have the edge needed to make
Achieving much easier than it may seem.

Believing in your ability
Affects the way you act
And produces an air of confidence
Which influences how others will react.

When you believe you can achieve
And believe it with all your soul,
You possess a powerful asset
You most likely will reach your goal.

its up to us

i'm thinking a lot, as what i had been achieved today is becos of what i had believe or what other people believe?truthfully,its becos Allah gives us His mercy but,we,as the person who had been gifted with aqal to think,do we use it as maximize as possible? I jus,it cross my mind when people starts talking back about us,do we prefer not to listen or do we chose to make a different choice in order to satisfy others...hurm,in some cases,yeah~its totally worth to change but if what we had done is somthing right,does it matter? does it hurt to have our own freedom of thinking?

its happen a lot,even when you're making a small decision.you want to eat pasta,but your fren insists on nasi lemak.its ridiculous to hang out with your fren but end up having lunch by your own.in order not to create mischieve,you'll end up agreeing with your fren's decision. even this things happen when youre going to the university.which university would you chose?do you need to accept the offer from oversea?and etc...but what makes matter worse is when you're also listening to people when it comes to the appearance of yourself!!!

'you're look fat'

'you're look ugly'

'argh,the dress doesnt suits you'

'i think you're a loser'

so hows people cope with the situation.yeah, you have a choice to believe or not,but you dont need to take the impact seriously.its good for you to make a change,but do it for your own self.becos you love yourself.not becos you want to look good in other's eyes.especially if the one who's talking is your own byfren...youre willing to do anything,to satisfy him.if he said blue looks good on you,youll be wearing that forever~if he said youre look ugly in yellow,you throw away all those yellow 'things'. if he said you're fat,you'll go for some diet. so if he said you're ugly, do you need to risk your life by putting knife on your face?

why and why i need to mention all of this things? becos somtimes i think, people criticize others too much, even to the stage that theyll enjoy doing it. ok,theyre life is not that great,but the satisfaction to make people down is always there.you can feel down to earth becos of your appearance,but indeed thank God for all the things that you had.stop dreaming about perfection in everything,go for satisfaction with the normal life that you have. you can be beatiful,inner and outer, if you love yourself more than anyone do.....

Thursday, May 20, 2010

it was fun,after all

today i have a fun day,with toh puan mjid=p~even at first this even is undeniably not properly plan,it has gone really well. i thought that i need fresh air,rather than sitting alone in front of the computer doing nothing,so i contact mjid~fortunately for us that shrek...forever after is being premiered today so,i'm using my full strength to run&run and grab the tickets (ok fine its a lie,i jus walk calmly to the booth and ask for tickets). becos we have to wait for adk mjid to join us together,were heading to the~kotak itam

so for the next one hour,were rather shouting and lalala~ rather than singing.soutun najah betaut kmbali,haha~mjid,nxt time we should do it again,with more members to join!!

basically,after watching shrek,i should say.....its fun and fun and 1000xfun.its not typical fairy tail,and its fun,hahaha~but what i like the most is this precious eyes of puss

he's totally cute!!!and obese too (rather than referred as "it" ,i'l prefer "he")~ even ogre knows how to fight for their own happiness.family,fren,etc...its all important to us,but we take it very lightly.when the happiness is gone,thats when we know the meaning of "appreciate'". even if we connect it with our own life, i'll sure everybody knows what's the meaning behind. we have the same routine,we have the same family member, but we keep searching about something 'missing'.why dont jus grab the 'real' one,and leave the 'non-existence' one?the moral of the story: love your family more and more

i know,the fact that shrek is ugly,ugly and ugly~but he is in fact the hero in this film,and he does make his fan proud (sigh~)...even he's dragged the fiona to become someone like him (rather than being a princess?).but the whole movie is fun,and at the same time educate people.so i do hope people will enjoy it.overall,today definitely is fun,after all~

even shrek has his own buddie,where's mine?=p

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

apbla knak2 bgaya~

today is a lousy day~lgla lousy bla ada 2 knak2 riang cba utk mncroboh blk mkcik dia cos tok mak suda telena~hurm,jd utk distract them from kecahkn my room,i've come with one idea.

1: amik tudung,amik pin,pkaikn kt mka dorg
2:amik picture,yeeha~

i want more! i want more!haha,mkcik dia yg lebih2~tp biasela knak2,pkai tdng takde selkup abehla tekeluar sma rmbut~

at the end,dorg mmg terbaikla,haha~


since small we're being provoked to read."mmbaca bku mnambah ilmu pngetahuan".hurm,sjauh mnakah kebenarannye,people know by themselves. i love to read,sgt2~ i once remember during my interview, my interviewer asked me

pkck x: did u like to read novel? (as refer to my form)
me:definitely,i'm loving it(chewah,cam wat iklan mcd lak)
pkck x:how about animation?are you into it?
me:not really,i'm more into comics
pkck x:(hesitate for seconds....) its good u know,it makes your minds more creative

so basically from this story I do think that the words reading is not limited only to ilmiah sources. even if you just take a few minutes to read the headline of newspapers, lots of thinking can be generated from your mind. does it hurts to give some times for reading and gain some knowledge.no,no harm at all. and i do believe that the journey is still long,there's lots that i have not known in this world. ok, i'm old, but not old enough to gather all of the knowledges surrounding this world.(ok find,i'm only 24 right)...i wish i have personal library which have shelves full of books~

so,basically i'm unemployed~and i have lots of free time....urm,i do hope i can get job as soon as possible but at the same time, i dont think i'm prepared enough to be an engineer.sigh,sigh,sigh~what else i can do=p ~

so rather than sticking myself to books,i start to read people's blog.some have their emotional burst,others keep uploading their beautiful journey of life but one things that makes me read more and more is when people try to correct themselves, at the same time they try to guide other people towards Allah.thats when i'm thinking i have lots more to learn...i have lots more to correct myself. im afterall, has long way to go. i will not hesitate to use my free time to read and learn more and more. bekerjalah as if you have 1000years to go,and beribadahla as if tomorrow you will die~