new beginning....

hurm,finally its my cnvo...eventhough i felt nothing on that day. jus a celebration,as a mark that we have complete our course. but fortunately my friends came,and brought along some flowers,so its kind of worth to come (ok,so i do think of several reasons to skip from that day=).unfortunately, i really have problem to find my classmates and frens after the ceremony so very little pic that i had taken with them.only with my parents and schoolmates.nevertheless, its very tiring!!

so as long as i know,i have complete my dgree, i have no longer bonded with shell and my convo had just over so what's next?work!work!work!!! still no lucks with that. ayah said to be patient,becos we never know about rezqi.everything is in God's hand. we try our hardest, and pray a lot for Him to guide us to the right path. mama said to just enjoy my long vacation,becos when i'll start working there will be no more free time. ayah told me to apply as a teacher~and my frens said to find work a.s.a.p~becos i'm always broken.my car always sick and....ah,the life of an unemployed~its tiring,but i bet its more fun than working rite?

ah~sighing....life is beautiful isnt it.so i'll just go on with it.its not i don wan to have a part time job be4 getting the real job but....mybe its the time for me to accompany my parents as long as i can.who knows which parts in Malaysia would i be working on?its more tiring when u know that your brother and sister working on multinational cmpany with big salary,fuh~pressure,pressure and pressure!!so jus go with the flow.even though smetimes i feel tired with the flow,but finding a job is part of my job rite now....its a full time job!!!to find a suitable job that i will love insyaAllah.pray for me a lot,insyaAllah...

my dad,en omar~

wanna tell dis story long time ago,but never have the time to write it.its all about him,our family's hero.... even though i'm not that close enough to him,but i'll treasure him as someone who had made me the way i am rite now.yup,en omar ab razak aka my dad~really hard to find his picture alone,because he's never like taking pictures~even on hari raya!!

ayah used to be someone we'd really scared of.he has the character that made us listen to every words he said.becos he's busy working to provide our needs,we have little time to sit and chat together.everything will be direct to mama,even when we dont have money!!!so basically mama would be our representator to seek funds from ayah=p

so,when ayah had retired,he spends most of the time at home.but,during his retirement,everyone had gone to university and hostels.the only person who got to know ayah better is only mama,and his grandchldren.ayah starts to talk more,gardening,becomes more soft-heartening towards chldren( ok, i'm comparing between us long time ago and today,when he's playing with his grandchild). but he's not strong like before~he's becoming more reliable to us....

when he's 40,doctor told him he's got heart disease and high blood pressure. he's performing hajj that year cos afraid he's not gonna make it later. alhamdulillah,he's still strong until now.but afte bypass operation last year i think,he's becoming a little bit slow in action.he once said:

"nabi muhammad ada kata,limit umur umat dia cma 60 tahun.klu pjg umur,lbh dr tu,maka tuhan akan tarik nkmat satu-persatu.mmg terasa sgtla bla umur da mningkatni...."

even if he wants to take off his shirt,it will take longer than usual.he cant drive for long journeys,becos his legs will become numb. there's 1 day at kmpung where we all go to kebun, and then suddenly my father, riding motorcycle fell off from his bike becos of the stone at the road blocking him.i do think that if he has kudrat,he can stop himself from falling but mybe becos of his age,he falls off very slowly.thank God were behind him.the place is really far away from our home!!

but nevertheless,i love him more and more everyday.eventhough i've never show it to him,i'll do pray for him each time,hope for him to have a blessful life today and hereafter. hoping that he will be there during my wedding...hoping that he will be there when i have my first baby....hoping that Allah will give happiness to us in this world and Hereafter. "kematian adalah sesuatu yg pasti,maka hendaklah kita sentiasa bersedia insyaAllah".

thanx for the memories

need to calm down,eventhough don know where should i start.jus coming back from that place,and sudddenly everythings come at one time.raya preparation,knvo,and most importantly~job hunting!!hurm,back to lazy mode,and preparing mentally to be lecture by my sblings

'pgla cri keja'

'da try mntak kt sykat x?'

'resume tu da btulkn blm?'

'ari2 ada call sykt x tak mntak update'

but the most hatred thing to say

'menyemak je kt umahni,pgla cri keja=p'

who doesnt want to have a job?especially 4 fresh grad like me~but i dont want to change job regularly,jus becos i'll take this thing lightly.need to work harder,in order to make the big boss employ me.fgting!!!!

so,what have i done in this past 2 and half month?i cant say that i learn nothing at all,but most probably,erk....0.5% mybe.only frenship that i treasure.met lots of people and have a great time with them.were all in the same boat,and have the same unhappiness. and i have been given great responsibility to deal with.being a leader is not always an 'easy' task.its not like i don have courage to take the challenge,but the thing is it came too suddenly,without notice. even i myself cannot accept the prgram,how on earth may i lead and help the facilitator to ensure the smoothness of the program.and the way they guide us,erk....no thanx~rather learning by myself than asking them. we ourselves who had dgree or diploma never even mntion about our crtificates or feeling big enough to empower them but deep inside themselves they think that we are trying to show off with what we had.hurm,mybe only some of them,but it makes me sick!!

basically, want to show my deepest thanx to my best frens there~SYUD,ANEM and adik manis FAZ.they've been going through lots with me.they saw me laughing,crying etc~wthout them i don know what will happen...

syud~she's strong,mybe due to the age and experience she once had. most probably our thnking were same,and i have lots of fun doing crazy things with her.she has the confidence that rarely people our age have.luv everything about her...praying for brighter future for us.

anem~she's a good companion~always listening to my complain,complain and complain,but never complain about me.a good leader,eventhough at first she's unsure with her talent. love her jokes very much,blh wat org guling2~needs to says sory to her if i had done anything bad to her becos u know,always besides her this past 2 and half month.

faz~she's good,and she's totally pure....~very energetic smtimes but when the night comes, she's usually exhausted.a little bit moody,jus like a small child.but its totally understandable becos she's the younger.learn a lot from her,and she's really adorable from every perspective.luv to make people smile but sadfully she's a regular in medic=)take care of your health ye cik adik~

in the end,i jus wanna let them know that eventhough it seems like i less care about them becos of the way i respond to them~i'm truly appreciate them as my frens.they help me a lot and i dont know how to thanx them enough.to all of my buddies that i have get to know there,thanx for all the memories and i do hope we keep in touch in the future.....

trying to understand myself

lots of things occurs lately and definitely its not really good,more to bad things. trying so hard to keep my mind positive,go straight towards the destination without pit stop.wallah~its too hard i think.becos evrything is so blur....unreadable

i'm 24,and that's the fact.trying my best to fulfill my dream but the reality is too much.yeah, no success come without problems~

people always said that i'm strong,and i believe their words. their encouragement mean lots to me.they are what we called frens.they give me spirits, and they always believe that i can grab the dreams that i hope 4. they give me strength to gather up every energy that i have and continue this never ending journey....

but when i'm left alone i feel unsecured. everythng's messy...feel like i'm drowning in my own breath.trying and trying but the results are still the same. its not like i cannot accept the fact, but i'm scared when i need to face it alone.evryone have their own life and me?need to understand myself better.need to love myself lots more....i know everything had been arranged by Him, so i need to accept the actual facts.keep fghting!!!!i don care what other people said but all i need to do is work harder in order to fulfill my dream....yeeha!!!

thanx for everything

i declare today as a sad day

becos i'm crying a lot until my eyes become puffy

saya harap saya ada kekuatan

utk mnahan air mata daripada mnitis

but even izzah saw me cry~

apela,dpn bdk kecikpn tak reti nk cover

apenye mkckla sayani

tp saya dpt kekuatan

bla mjid hulurkn bntuan

bla ping hulurkan kekuatan

bla mar hulurkan kasih sayang

saya hnya insan biase

nmpak je tabah d luar tp sbenanye hati saya rapuh sperti kaca

saya tau,Allah sntiasa bsma saya

tp tak slhkn skali skala mngeluarkn air mata

utk mmbuang prasaan yg hnye saya sdiri yg rsa

hnye saya sdiri yg tau

yg tak blh nk diucap dgn kata2

sbb saya...saya mnusia biasa

dan sya prlukn kekuatan yg prlu sya bina sdiri

to dear mjid,trima kasih sbb tmankn saya

klu tak saya rsa arini saya abehkn msa dgn mngeluarkn air mata je

u'lll know that i'm not that strong,but i need to

becos i'm jus 24,and there's lots of things that i need to learn more

your companied means lots to me

ayat2 mjid dlm blog wat sya teharu yg amat sgt

da bape thn jid kta kwn.tp ikatan dia jid,hanya Allah yg tau

suhaili~da lma tak pnggil your real's name

will be missing u a lot

hoping for your doa always....

need to be stronger,utk mngelakkn pn amidah rsau

love u much mjid,and you know that's rite~

dgr lagu ijau daun,cri jodh,mst tringat kt ko,yeeha!!

sharing is caring

few daysni,byk sgt daydreaming kt umah.sma keja tak jln....eventhough da dpt notice for inteviu this coming 28,tp msh tak begerak2 gak main simsni.uish2,fghting2~need to prepare more.this coming 28 will be the most exciting war that i've been waited for.it will definitely affect my future.whether i'm being accepted or not, i need to work on it first.then, lets pray to the Almighty One.He's the one who knows best about everything.there's so much 'unsettled' things in my mind but i know,i should be back to Him.i have none other than Him. Only Him Yang Maha Mendengar lg Maha Mengetahui whats the best for me....

other than playing games,i also trying my best to finish up 1 book that i found really interesting.ok, i'm not die hard fan of motivational books but i thought after few chapters this book tends to hook me up. the book labeled as "the power of positive thinking"....by norman vincent peale. what i've been 100% sure is thar Dr Peale is having fully faith in his religion, which is Christian. what i want to highlight is not about the way he try to persuade us into his believe, but the way he believe that there's someone up there who is listening to each words of our pray. and lots of words that he's taken is from Bible, which according to him if we utter it several times in our life, it will be bring peacefulness in our life. the question is, do we tend to put down the book when we believe that what he said is not in the same line as in Islam or do we continue and connect it with what we had been learning so far?

thats come the beauty of our aqal. to think what's right and what's wrong.i'm not done yet with my reading but so far the concept that he needs us to understand is what makes us fail from time 2 time is because of our mind thinking.we are too scared to try new things or we are dealing with the biggest picture (which in this case is the current problem) without giving a chance towards other happiness (in this case our family,frens etc).so by the end of the day,we tend to give up and in some cases,they are people who ended up by killing themselves. i believe the answer to energetic life each day comes from the energy that we consume, and the energy that we conserve.after we try our hardest in everything, pray to our Almighty God, which is Allah, who had created us and Isa a.s.He is the one who always listen to our pray. not only during five times prayer, but every single time.believe that Allah always with us.pray with sincerity and with the humbleness of a person who'd position as an abdillah~

thats come the beauty of qiamullail.its not only good for our health,but at that time~when most of the people still in their bed, we are sacrificing our sleep. telling all the stories to Him. hoping with sincerity in order to ask for forgiveness. kneel down,prostrate yourself in sujud,ask if there were no tomorrow. eventhough tomorrow's problem need to be faced, its a relief in heart if we had told all the problem the night before.yes, sometimes we are trying hard to find the person called friends,which we can trust all of our secrets, and be there all the time in our life.but thats difficult right?people tends to come and go,but He,the Almighty one,Allah which had created us, always listening to everything and only Him, is the only God.

the moral of the story is, whatever u want to do,always come back to Allah. He is the key for every success.there will be some tests right in front of you,but believe that Allah is there, and always be there. Why did not we take Quran versus which can smooth our heart and mind....Alquran is the greatest revealation in this world,and insyaAllah it will guide us to the right path~

hati yg gelisah

arini rsa serba tak kena,tak tau nk watpe.ptg td tman angah pg alamnda,bought few things~cek2 poket duit suda kering.ish2~dlm keta mngharungi jam,ttba angah bka cerita,about my grandmom,tp kt umahni tak pnggl nenek,kitorg pnggl mak.usually in 2-3months,our grandmom will come and visits us,sleep for 2-3weeks.tp akhr2ni mak tak dtg.ingtkn mak tak larat jln jauh perak-kajang~rpa2nye ade cite dsbaliknye.she's upset with ayah,uhuk2....ari2 ayah ada tnggi suara dgn mak,so dia trasa...mmbawa hatinye yg lara plng ke perak.tidak dtg2 ke sni lg..

org kata,org tuani hatinye cpt trasa.mkn tua mkn cpt trasa.mmgla ayah 2 mnantunye,tp klu da trasa mmgla mmbawa hati yg lara.ayah saya mmg not perfect but nevertheless his my dad.ayah sya mmg grang,but nevertheless he still my dad.ayah saya mmg kuat nagging,tp dia ttp ayah saya.ayah saya tak perfect,but he still and always be my dad. bgla the best dad in the world, sya tetap pilih ayah sya....kekadang saya rsa tak puas ati dgn ayah sya,tp sya stiasa doakn kesejahteraan ayah sya.lg mrah sya dgn ayah saya,lg byk doa sya curahkn utk dia.moga2 dia stiasa dlmpahi rhmat dnia akhirat.moga tuhan jauhkn dia dr brasa rsau ttg ank2 dia.sbb only us,family knows him better.wlupn dia ska tnggi suara kt kmi, we love him from the bottom of my heart.sya tak nk mnyesal di kmudian hari.let him or me go first,we dont know.sya mau ayah sya always be there,smasa graduation sya,mnjd wali pernikahan saya dan bemain2 dgn ank2 saya. dan jika ajalnye tlh tba,maka yaAllah,pmudahknla pjlnn beliau dari liang lahad ke hari perhitungan.in the end,saya sgt syng ayah saya,eventhough i'll never said straight to him....